Monday, July 7, 2008

This is a Large Dog

Lisa: IF I COULD HAVE ANY DOG ANY DOG IN THE WORLD THIS WOULD BE IT. While I have an average-sized interest in average-sized dogs I have an above average-sized interest in above average-sized dogs THIS DOG IS A GIANT! DO YOU SEE! I am below-average sized if I had this dog I could ride him I could save money this dog would give me rides it would be a fun day! I don't like that man who is he. Is it maybe a cow!

Jesse: Notice first the look on this guy's face, which is wavering at that exact point where he realizes he's lost control of the situation. You know this clown and his antics, how he traps you into inviting him to your party and gets "buzzed" as quickly as possible off his "patented" cocktail of Passion Fruit Smirnoff and Cherry Limeade so he can immediately devote himself to his role as self-appointed party ambassador, obnoxiously pushing people to do shots, making jokes about your refrigerator magnets, putting a lampshade on his head in the most painfully self-conscious way possible where he has three or four false starts because not enough people are looking and you're just mentally blacklisting everyone who cracks a smile. But here he has hubristically bitten off more than he can chew and the gods respond by flattening him with his own cow-hound dance partner. You cannot dance with a dog of this size. A tall woman is hard enough to manage and she's not even slobbering in your hair or struggling with the fact that she's not meant to be on two legs and has the center of gravity of an Ikea bookshelf.

So here you can enjoy this moment where he mentally says "whoaaa boy, steady" and the no, it's ok really smile flashes like a star twinkle before his knees sort of buckle and he gives one or two strained grunts and topples over on his back for this monster to drag its skee-ball sized testicles over his stupid Budnik-looking face and practical hat.

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