Holy Hell Just Look at this Dog

Lisa: When I was little I had this fear that my toys came alive when I was asleep or out of the room. This was long before Toy Story even came out, although I think it's worth noting that when it did I couldn't sleep for weeks. I was similarly suspicious of my pet bird, a Cockatiel named Robin that I got for Christmas when I was six. I thought he was a genius -- I mean, he kind of was -- but I thought he understood English perfectly and behaved like a totally normal person when my back was turned, and that his whole "bird" shtick was just a cover for, I don't know, the government? These days my paranoia manifests itself in other ways, or at least it did until I saw this picture. WHAT THE FUCK! I mean, HOLY FUCK! "Oh look I've got a little dog oh cool he's acting like a dog that's kind of neat he's all on the ground and shit like dogs should be oh hold on I'll be right back" and the second I turn around he climbs up a fucking BAMBOO SHOOT? IS HE INSANE? Where the fuck did he find a fucking bamboo shoot anyway? No, seriously, I'm done here.

Jesse: It seems cheap to go the Asian route with the presence of the bamboo shoot and the slightly askew eyes, but this guy is so firmly established on a Zen-level plane of serene inner peace that he's only a few inches of chin whisker away from being matte-framed on some stoner dude's wall between the 10 Iroquois Commandments and a black-light poster of Jesus with dreads.

It's especially impressive considering how other dogs seem set to drift through life in this half-drugged Cheech & Chong mode where they treat every bug they see like a fascinating little smidgen worthy of three hundred sniffs. Meanwhile this guy has climbed a plant and is smiling at you like he's about to recommend the book that will change your life. It's actually kind of embarrassing. You can imagine that the rest of his species is spending their day forgetting where they buried half a muddy tube sock while he's locked away in a tiny workshop figuring out a way to make his thumbs opposable.