Friday, November 28, 2008

Two Pictures!

Jesse: This dog is so fucking classy that he needed two pictures to fully communicate his professionalism and range. Look at that face. There is no doubt in my mind that at his peak during the late fifties/early sixties this dog (let’s call him Snacks Felton) shot three hundred films a year, was given the key to several Midwestern cities and guest-starred on Leave it to Beaver 14 times. This photo shoot lasted approximately three minutes (he knows how to hit his marks) after which he ate the choicest sections of three pounds of top sirloin in the back of a stretch limo and met up with Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. at the Copa. Knowing how to play the situation Snacks wasted no time peeing on Sammy's leg, causing Frank to laugh so hard he cracked the table by pounding on it. The owner brought over a delicate Keshi-tsubu bonsai to thank him, which Snacks also ate. Then he polished off 12 Old Fashioned’s, left the table without a wobble in his step and consecutively impregnated six bitches in a private helicopter slowly circling the Chrysler building.

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