Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Houndblogs in the Outfield

Jesse: Possible but ultimately unacceptable directions for an entry written about this picture:

a) Russian trained suicide dog (two hundred pounds of explosives in the paper bag in his mouth) is narrowly prevented from destroying the 1957 World Series = OFFENSIVE
b) During WWII there was a baseball shortage. How did the sport respond? Playing with dogs of course! = UNBELIEVABLE
c) Legendary manager Casey Stengel ate strays he caught on the ballfield during warm-ups = CALLOUS, POTENTIAL LAWSUIT

Obviously none of these work because this picture is idiotic and the only connection between dogs and baseball is the Rapid City Retrievers AA franchise, the ugly-kids-messing-around-in-the-dirt classic The Sandlot and Marge Schott’s giant St. Bernard named Schottzie. If you’re not familiar with Marge Schott she was a horrible old racist woman who owned the Cincinnati Reds in the ’80s and ‘90s, who despite being horrible ended up representing the swan song of that crude, filthy, amazing sensibility that characterized baseball before it was swallowed up by a painfully neat wave of soft pitchers and superstar agents and thirteen dollar hot dog and Budweiser combos. Anyway, this dog laid poops in the outfield and ate children whole and basically did whatever it pleased. Then she made some positive comments about Hitler and was banned from baseball. And just like that we’ve come full circle.

Lisa: Baseball is really nice because everyone is friends, and Shawn Green and Jose Reyes and Chase Utley are all very cute young men. But the cutest and nicest of all is a dog, don't you forget that. This baseball dog won several awards for sportsmanship and friendliness and home runs.

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