Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Sock Dog

Lisa: I'll be honest: I'm not entirely clear on why they're training this dog to steal that lady's sock, but I guess I don't really care. Look at him! He is a blond dog. Oh you know what? I guess he's being trained to help disabled people take their clothes off. That's very nice. I bet it's more than just a job for him, I bet he goes to bed feeling satisfied and content and wakes up excited to start another day! Honestly, this looks like such a great dog that it's probably not even about the money. I bet he just uses each paycheck to buy the necessities and then gives the rest away to charity. Or like, at Christmas, when the retarded person tries to tip him for another great year of hard work, the dog is probably like "no, no, I can't. I insist. I do this because I love it" but then the retarded person is like "NO" and stomps his foot and is like "You mean so much to me, dogfriend!" (this is how I get when people refuse my tips) and so the dog is finally like "Okay, okay" but then he goes to the supermarket and buys a Christmas Ham and lots of cookies and delicious Christmas treats with his tip money and comes back and says "What I really would like is to spend Christmas with you" and they eat together and that is the best tip of all.

If your dog just came home from a long, grueling day at his/her job sucking the soupy socks off the feet of too many awkward-shaped people wearing the color orange, you're probably staring into the depths of your refrigerator wondering why you don't tearfully end your pal's agony by means of shotgun and take the painful first step into manhood. Unfortunately, your dog is probably thinking "Yo, what's for dinner? I am always hungry." When pairing with a dog like this you're going to need something with kick and you're going to need something quick:

Spicy Jalapeno Chicken Taquitos

Honkers Ale, Goose Island Brewing Company

Flavor bomb the taste of tootsies off the tongue with Taquitos and return your canine to the wilderness with earthy notes of dried peach, black tea, muddy hay and citrus peach.

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