Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Born to Run Away with a Beware of Dog Sign In Your Mouth

Jesse: When it comes to making a convincing argument most dogs are about as effective as a protestor holding a God Hates Fags sign with two stenciled-on guys sucking face in a lake of crayon fire. They make eyes and pant and whimper but even when you can figure out what they're saying it's so not worth all the effort that you'd like to hold their noise in their ridiculous point just so they'll learn a lesson. It's like some ten-year-old kid who tries to prove he's responsible by driving to the mall for his mom's birthday present but instead ends up with a Subaru halfway through the Mandee's display window, crying his eyes out in a toppled pile of fuchsia-colored bath puffs.

Here, the dog is trying to say "I am safe, I am trustworthy, you can place your baby on the ground near me without worry." He's so fed up as being portrayed as dangerous by this damning black and red sign that he steals it and tries to run away with his problem, and while you can see the rationale behind an act like this what he doesn't realize is he's only making things worse.

Because of course anyone's first thought when they see something like this is "oh shit that dog is so dangerous he has the sign attached to his face," and even if you don't think that there's really no way to look kindly on this kind of stunt, which no dog who wasn't worth some kind of bewaring would pull. So he ends up in a six-mile-per hour chase with four sheriff's deputies on mountain bikes while your own dog is trying to use his nose to convince you that heading over to the dog run during a hailstorm is a prize-winning idea and its all so typical its like you've just finished your eighth straight episode of Law and Order.

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