Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Speaker of the Dog House

Jesse: Whoever would have thought that with all the Kennedys have done as a family the finest thing they'd produce would be a children's book cover? Yeah Jack was a charmer and JFK Jr. was kind of on Seinfeld once but here Ted's face is so charmingly tomato-like and the dog's glee so perfectly distilled that you really can't beat this.

Sadly, this is not one of those cool children's books where you get to see a fully illustrated cross-section of the White House or pictures of apes and turtles in three-piece suits filibustering from the DC phone book. Nope, My Senator and Me is another right-wing attempt to preemptively slushify the minds of our youth with brightly colored flag drawings and commentary on your gay uncle's un-American attitudes. Now that you know this you can understand what is up with Ted's face in that picture, looking all like a mushy glob of mashed potato that someone etched a face onto.
Worst of all is the way they shamelessly pander to the kids by constantly putting the dog in harm's way, with Ted driving drunk and sinking the car in a lake on three different occasions. During the course of one day this helpless, freedom-loving pooch is dragged around on his leash by the maniacal Senator Kennedy, forced to watch as he collects taxes, seizes farmland from low-income Midwestern families and dangerously expands the size of our national government, using a scary glowing machine in the secret subterranean lair of his Martha's Vineyard boathouse.

Lisa: I've only ever read two books about dogs. The first was Old Yeller (look how sad!) by Fred Gipson. Now I don't know if you know, but that was not a good book for dogs. Dogs do so much for their humans and what do we do for them? We cower from wolves! And it's mean because then our dogs don't like water anymore! Naturally I was a bit shaken by this experience, but I decided to go ahead and give dog books another try. This time I read Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls, and that didn't end well for poor Old Dan (a dog!): a mountain lion made his insides come outside! I was so, so upset but there was nothing I could do because I was supposed to be asleep. Not even the fern could make me feel better. So for the record, I have absolutely no interest in reading My Senator and Me, and surely the happiness that this poor dog exhibits on the cover will be snatched from him soon.

ETA 9/08/08 1:27pm:

Lisa: Didn't Ted Kennedy have a bad cold recently?


Unknown said...

Kennebunkport is where the Bush's vacation home is. The Kennedy Compound in on Martha's Vineyard.

Jesse said...


Lisa said...

It's weird to see Jesse use an exclamation point.

Jesse said...

I was just so excited about being wrong