REAL DIRTLESS GRASS

Jesse: As far as I can tell this is a raised, grass-covered platform designed for your pet to poop on. It may also double as a raft in flood situations.

Lisa: Some magic is happening.

Doggie Do

Jesse: Back in the '70s everybody's hair was getting crazy, so when you have a cool customer like Roscoe here you better believe he was on top of this trend, sporting locks that had the ladies sighing and carpet sellers doubting their own principles. Seeing him ride in a convertible must have been like watching a cotton ball dangling in a wind turbine.


Lisa: Oh my goodness do you see the belly on that girl? Great dog (which one?! har har har).

Pipe Dreamz

Lisa: Oh gosh well this makes me uneasy for several reasons, I'll begin the way the dog's eyes are glowing. In my heart of hearts I realize this is merely a result of the camera's flash but you can't help but get the chills when you see this otherwise adorable baby looking a little mean. I'm having a hard time understanding the goings-on in this photograph; it looks to me like friendship but you really can't be sure.

Jesse: Its tough being a dog for the times when you just need to get away and have a thought to yourself without getting all hassled and petted and rescued from inside a pipe by a hunky beefcake who supplements his rescue hero salary by posing for the covers of romance novels. One day a dog may be able to rest comfortably inside a pipe in peace and until then we'll never be a real democracy will we?

Upright (Everything's Alright)

Jesse: This is like the Tiny Tim of dogs, hobbling about on pathetic makeshift crutches, unable even to eat his own poop without a sad, protracted struggle.

Lisa: oh you guys i told you dogs are wonderful not just for companionship but also because they can be helpful around the house; i realize that this dog surely is an exceptionally talented fella (some might call him a perfectionist) but his doggy friends at the very least are able to eat things up off the floor and herd the children into another room. some dogs, unable to properly handle a pooper scooper, will go as far as to eat their own poo off the ground. this, of course, is not recommended; however there have been some claims that it keeps their coats shiny.

The Fox and the Houndblog

Jesse: The UK still has a lingering guilt complex over all those years of fox hunts, so when the old feelings bubble up instead of getting all snot and tears they simply switch over to Lord Beverly Rides Again, a TV programme about a dashing fox aristocrat who drives hounds to market and shames hunters with his clean shoes and impeccable manners. He's a part-time magician who spends most of his time making prejudice disappear.

Lisa: What is it.

Here Boy!

Lisa: Oh! What a wonderful place to spend an afternoon, these dogs are rather pleased to see their friend did you notice all the beautiful art on the walls? This certainly looks like a nice house do you think the dogs live there or are they visiting, you know what would be a neat invention if there was some gang of dogs that could stop by your house to make you feel better or to play there's something like that at nursing homes but with cats, in my opinion dogs make better companions they eat all the foods you feel guilty about throwing away~

Jesse: After losing his legs in a tragic bowling accident, Garry Ben Shegwin now moves about on a living raft of stitched-together dogs, an arrangement which gives him a full range of mobility as well as speedy access to local sausage vendors.

?

Lisa: I'm concerned, this dog appears to have a flea or tick problem I hope he's had his shots, I mean it could be the quality of my monitor or the fact that he's just dirty (dogs sometimes have a fun time playing in mud). I'm also concerned about his stomach, it looks like he's eating grass or some kind of green (???) and this is something cats often do when they have a difficult time digesting their food. No, you know what, I can't tell, maybe somebody just forgot to mow the lawn.

Jesse: Actually the answer is (D): none of the above. The fact that this is drawn on construction paper suggests that it is the work of a child, which suggests a tenuous connection to reality, which suggests that ideas about lawns or mud are too concrete, which suggests that yes, this dog is actually made out of ice cream and is melting at a very rapid rate. The green is probably a toppled pile of fondant which suggests that this was actually an ice cream cake.

Hold On, Folks...

Lisa: Where do police dogs sleep at night?
Jesse: In cages in the basement.

We'll be right back...